My filmi family winter holiday

It being that time of year, I am off on a skiing holiday in Switzerland with my best friend Asha P. and my something-or-other-by-marriage Babita. My friend Mike suggests I take along an inexplicably neglected friend of his whom he calls The Bomb, Praveen Choudhary. She has always seemed like good fun to me too, so: the more, the merrier!

All three of these ladies make me envious with their ability to tease up a big bouffant and their cat’s-eye makeup, perfect for setting off a fur collar or parka hood. My plan is to have them teach me these valuable life skills when they are too tired to ski any more. And while they wear themselves out on the slopes, Gemma and I will be making friends with the bartender in the nearest cozy firelit lodge. I don’t ski, myself, but I do love a good ski resort!

I have also invited my cross-dressing cousin Tiwari, who lacks a bouffant but makes up for it with a fervent love of pink, which suits him. It will be lots of fun watching him snowboard from my comfy barstool vantage point.

Upon arrival in Zurich, we are met with a scene that makes us all look like dowdy wallflowers by comparison!

Mehmood is strolling through the airport in vintage Chanel with an elegant large white greyhound called Moti at his side. He is working it as only Mehmood can; I suspect he may have been there for days by now, just going around in circles. Tiwari is stunned and fascinated, almost in awe (very unlike him), but I notice that airport employees seem a little weary of the whole spectacle.

Gemma keeps her distance from the greyhound since others of its kind have in the past regarded her as breakfast. She wisely takes refuge behind fellow passenger Dara Singh, who has no need for petty clothing despite the frigid temperatures—I feel pretty sure the scarf is just pure vanity. He positively, gleefully, exudes masculinity, especially in this crowd. I see Praveen eyeing him, and I don’t blame her.

The appearance of my dangerously unstable brother Shyam Kumar, already on his skis and ready to bully us onto the Black Diamond slopes, is sort of the last straw. I worry that between him and Tiwari there will be a lot of shouting and chest-thumping over the next week or so, and flimsy tinfoil breastplates and helmets may be required.

It seems likely that I will need a nice mug of glühwein or two to start with. Prosit!

22 Comments to “My filmi family winter holiday”

  1. …um….what just happened? I feel like *I’ve* been imbibing.

  2. Darling, just don’t drip hot fondue on Tiwari’s lap at the excitable dinners after much Glukwein is consumed and the flimsy helmets and breast shields are ripped off bodices.. Ofcourse you can always ask for God’s forgiveness at the dilwale dulhaniya church!

    True story… my parents took one of em senior citizen type switzerland tours with a desi tour company. It turned out to be bollywood themed!!!! They were taken to see every single hindi fillum location of distinction. Only problem was the last bolly movie my dad has has seen was probably a fearless nadia movie in his school days. Somehow I think Nadia was only swinging off vines on a painted set in wadia studio rather than wearing chiffon saris in the snow in Gstaad. Dad was bored and concentrated on eating Rostii, but my beloved Mom was in her element. She even remembered who SRK was!

    • I will make sure that I have my own table when fondue is on the menu :D

      LOL@your poor Dad…although Switzerland is so pretty (and the food SO GOOD) that it’s impossible not to enjoy it :)

  3. Ha ha. Just love these filmy family episodes. :-)

    Talking of your “something-or-other-by-marriage” Babita’s bouffant, you should check out the trivia section of the wiki entry for her. It is an interesting read. :-)

    Did you know that while you were having your glühwein in your ski resort, sitting by the fireplace, there’s a plot underway to kidnap you and your sahelis so that you can be held hostage for a negotiation? Rehman, immaculately dressed as usual, and KN Singh are staying in the chalet right next to your ski resort. I was a fly on the wall and could overhear a conversation between Rehman, KN Singh, Madan Puri and 100% Ranjeet .

    MP: “Boss, aapka ishaara chaahiye. Ye kaam chutki bhar mein ho jaayega” (Boss, I just need a sign from you. The job will be done in a minute”).

    KN (raised eyebrows): “Nahin, ye kaam bahut hoshiyaari se hona chaahiye”(No, this job has to be done very carefully).

    100%: “Tum log darpok ho. Sochte rahenge to titliyaan haath se ud jaayengin” (You guys are cowards. If we keep only thinking about it, the butterflies will get away)

    Rehman: “What nonsense! Tumhaare hosh to thikaane hain? Chaaron taraf police ka pehra hai. Aur in ladkiyon ke bodyguards bhi hamesha unke saath rehtey hain. (What nonsense! Have you gone crazy? There is police everywhere in this place. And these girls always have their bodyguards with them).

    I couldn’t hear more but I think they are organizing a dance party tonight with Helen and Faryal as dancers. Needless to mention, it will be in “the room”. All of you are invited but if I were you, I’d inform Jagdish Raj and Iftikhar beforehand, just in case you need police protection. I know Dara can take on an army but I wouldn’t trust Tiwari and Shyam Kumar, not in the inebriated states they are likely to be in and with Faryal and Helen distracting them. And Mehmood in drag is not likely to be very helpful, is he?

    Although, I can see you cutting through all this and making a very simple statement “So Ranjeet wants to kidnap me? I don’t see the problem here”. ;-)

  4. HA! HA!, hope you enjoyed your wonderful skiing holiday.

  5. Hehehe!
    I’ll pretend to be room service at Schweizerhof (assuming Dara Singh is booked there) :-D

  6. Der Schweiz will never know what hit them. Prosit to you too.

  7. What, no singing in the snowy slopes in flimsy indian clothes? I am disappointed! Ah…but I am mixing the generations…these ladies did their hip shaking in more comfortable surroundings…still, a song, I need a song with the story!

  8. Oh, and Praveen Choudhary is also good at skating, you know! And if you should get tired and decide to sit down, she’ll also pull your chair along and sing Shokh nazar ki bijliyaan to you.

    You chosen your fellow vacationers very well. :-D

  9. “I don’t ski, myself, but I do love a good ski resort!”

    Totally with you on that! I just hope the bartender serves Hot Chocolate and Shammi drops by for a drink…

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